There's a good chance that some or most of you already know these, but to all those who don't: in case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.
On a Sears hairdryer -- Do not use while sleeping.
(Darn, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair.)
On a bag of fritos -- You could be a winner! No purchase necessary.
Details inside.
(the shoplifter special?)
On a bar of Dial soap -- "Directions: Use like regular soap."
(and that would be how....???)
On some Swanson frozen dinners -- "Serving suggestion: Defrost."
(but, it's just a "suggestion").
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom) -- "Do not turn upside
down."
(well...a bit late, huh)!
On Marks &Spencer Bread Pudding -- "Product will be hot after heating."
(and you thought what...????)
On packaging for a Rowenta Iron -- "Do not iron clothes on body."
(but wouldn't this save me more time?)
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine -- "Do not drive a car or operate
machinery after taking this medication."
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could
just get all those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid -- "Warning: May cause drowsiness."
(and..I'm taking this because???....)
On most brands of Christmas lights -- "For indoor or outdoor use only."
(as opposed to...what)?
On a Japanese food processor -- "Not to be used for the other use."
(now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)
On Sainsbury's peanuts -- "Warning: contains nuts."
(talk about a news flash)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts -- "Instructions: Open packet, eat
nuts."
(Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)
On a child's Superman costume -- "Wearing of this garment does not enable
you to fly."
(I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)
On a Swedish chainsaw -- "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or
genitals."
(Oh my God...was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)