Have fun with the jokes!~

> Ah Beng ?? - NEW STUFF
> ********************
>
> Ah Beng bought a new mobile.
> He sent a message to everyone from his Phone Book & said,
> 'My Mobile No. Has changed.
> Earlier it was Nokia 3310. Now it is 6610'
>
> ====================================
> Ah Beng : I am a Proud, coz my son is inMedical College .
> Friend: Really, what is he studying.
> Ah Beng: No, he is not studying, they are Studying him.
>
> ==========================================
> Ah Beng : Doctor, in my dreams, I play football every night.
> DR: Take this tablet, you will be ok.
> Ah Beng : Can I take tomorrow, tonight is final game.
>
> ===========================================
> Ah Beng : If I die, will u remarry?
> Wife: No! I'll stay with my sister. But if I die will u remarry?
> Ah Beng : No, I'll also stay with your sister.
>
> =========================================
> Ah Beng : People consider me as a 'GOD'
> Wife: How do you know??
> Ah Beng : When I went to the Park today, everybody said,
> Oh GOD! U have come again.
>
> ===========================================
> Ah Beng complained to the police: 'Sir, all items are missing,
> except the TV in my house.'
> Police: 'How the thief did not take TV?'
> Ah Beng : 'I was watching TV news...'
>
> =========================================
> Ah Beng ?? comes back 2 his car & find a note saying 'Parking Fine'
> He Writes a note and sticks it to a pole 'Thanks for complement.'
>
> =============================================
> How do you recognize Ah Beng ?? in School?
> He is the one who erases the notes from the book when the teacher erases
> the board.
>
> ===============================================
> Once ?? Ah Beng was walking he had a glove on one hand and not on other.
> So the man asked him why he did so. He replied that the weather forecast
> announced that on one hand it would be cold and on the other hand it would
> be hot.
>
> ==================================================
> Ah Beng ?? in a bar and his cellular phone rings. He picks it up and
> Says 'Hello, how did you know I was here?'
>
> ===================================================
> Ah Beng : Why are all these people running?
> Man - This is a race, the winner will get the cup
> Ah Beng ?? - If only the winner will get the cup, why others running?
>
> ===================================================
> Teacher: 'I killed a person' convert this sentence into future tense
> Ah Beng : The future tense is 'u will go to jail'
>
> =====================================================
> Ah Beng told his servant: 'Go and water the plants!'
> Servant: 'It's already raining.'
> Ah Beng : 'So what? Take an umbrella and go.'
>
> =====================================================
> A man asked Ah Beng ?? why ?? Ahmad Badawi goes walking in the Evening and not
> in the morning ?? Ah Beng replied ?? Ahmad Badawi is PM not AM

Yoz... Good idea to post jokes over here... Nice jokes... Keep it up... Can i expect more of it in future? Haha...

Come back to us and Post more Jokes Josie!

The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate
father to start their family. On the day the surrogate father was to
arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife and said, "I'm off. The man should be
here soon" Half an hour later, just by chance a door-to-door baby
photographer rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.

"Good morning, madam. I've come to...."
"Oh, no need to explain. I've been expecting you," Mrs. Smith cut in.
"Really?" the photographer asked. "Well, good. I've made a speciality of
babies"
"That's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat"

After a moment, she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?"
"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the
couch and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes the living room floor is
fun too; you can really spread out!"
"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work for Harry and me"
"Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But, if we
try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven different
angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results"
"My, that's a lot of....." gasped Mrs. Smith.
"Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his time. I'd love to be in
and out in five minutes, but you'd be disappointed with that, I'm sure"
"Don't I know it," Mrs. Smith said quietly.

The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his
baby pictures.
"This was done on the top of a bus in downtown London"
"Oh my God!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, tugging at her handkerchief.
"And these twins turned out exceptionally well, when you consider their
mother was so difficult to work with"
"She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Smith.
"Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to Hyde Park to get the job
done right. People were crowding around four and five deep, pushing to get
a good look"
"Four and five deep?" asked Mrs. Smith, eyes widened in amazement.
"Yes," the photographer said, "And for more than three hours too. The
mother was constantly squealing and yelling. I could hardly concentrate.
Then darkness approached and I began to rush my shots. Finally, when the
squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just packed it all in."
Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "You mean squirrels actually chewed on your,
um......equipment?"
"That's right. Well, madam, if you're ready, I'll set up my tripod so we
can get to work."
"Tripod?????"
"Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big for
me to hold for very long. Madam? Madam? ....... Good Lord, she's
fainted!!"

Everybody, Somebody, Anybody, and Nobody



This is a story about four people named Everbody, Somebody, Anybody
and Nobody. There was an important job to be done and Everybody was
sure that Somebody would do it. Anybody could have done it, but
Nobody did it. Somebody got angry about that, because it was
Everybody's job. Everybody thought Anybody could do it, but Nobody
realized that Everybody wouldn't do it. It ended up that Everbody
blamed Somebody when Nobody did what Anybody could have done.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Two blondes were walking down the street. One noticed a
compact on the sidewalk and leaned down to pick it up. She
opened it, looked in the mirror, and said, "Hmmm, this person
looks familiar."

"Let me look." said the other one. So she handed her the compact.

The second blonde looked in the mirror then turned to the first one.
"You dumbass -- that's ME!


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Why do they bury lawers 26 feet underground?

Because deep down, they are really nice guys.


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Personally I think one of the greatest things about marriage is that
as both husband and Father, I can say anything I want to around the
house.

Of course, no one pays the least bit of attention.

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A woman went to a podiatrist complaining that her feet always hurt.
He immediately noticed that she was extremely bowlegged.
"Have you always been that way?" asked the podiatrist.
"No," she said, not until recently. "I've been fucking a lot doggie
style."
"Well," said the podiatrist, "you are going to have to stop."
"I can't," she replied, "that's the only way my German Shepherd fucks."

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A man decides to take the opportunity while his wife is away to paint
the toilet seat. The wife comes home sooner than expected, sits, and
gets the seat stuck to her rear. She is understandably distraught
about this and asks her husband to drive her to the doctor. She puts
on a large overcoat so as to cover the stuck seat, and they go.

When they get to the doctor's, the man lifts his wife's coat to show
their predicament. The man asks, "Doctor, have you ever seen anything
like this before?"

"Well, yes," the doctor replies, "but not framed like that."